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#johnmastodon

78 posts13 participants9 posts today
John Mastodon :mastodon:<p>Study these words carefully:</p><p>Mrs. Margaret Thatcher sold her shoes in a phone box.</p><p>This is <a href="https://mastodon.social/tags/JohnMastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>JohnMastodon</span></a>, signing out.</p>
John Mastodon :mastodon:<p>I have led a long and storied life. Here is one story.</p><p>John Mastodon was holidaying in the countryside. A jogger inquired "Where does human life begin, and where does it end?" John responded: "Cookaawoo, woosoobaa!"</p><p>This is <a href="https://mastodon.social/tags/JohnMastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>JohnMastodon</span></a>, signing out.</p>
John Mastodon :mastodon:<p>Consider this story from my life:</p><p>John Mastodon was jogging in Italy. An old man asked "Where does a dog begin, and where does it end?" John answered: "It is you, child."</p><p><a href="https://mastodon.social/tags/JohnMastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>JohnMastodon</span></a> has spoken.</p>
John Mastodon :mastodon:<p>What if we gave Stella Gibbons to Mel Gibson?</p><p>I am <a href="https://mastodon.social/tags/JohnMastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>JohnMastodon</span></a>, your sage advisor.</p>
braindance<p>Happy Birthday to <a href="https://infosec.exchange/tags/JohnMastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>JohnMastodon</span></a> 🎂</p>
John Mastodon :mastodon:<p>Here's something I like to make in my tiki lounge. I call it the Port-Vila Soul Remover.</p><p>Take an empty cocktail shaker. Into this pour the juice of 5 lemons. Add 4 measures of tequila, 2 measures of isopropyl alcohol and 2 measures of single-malt Scotch whisky. Top up with lemonade. Shake furiously for 8 minutes, then strain into a chipped mug. Skål!</p><p>This is <a href="https://mastodon.social/tags/JohnMastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>JohnMastodon</span></a>, signing out.</p>
John Mastodon :mastodon:<p>I wrote this haiku whilst coding the latest Mastodon update:</p><p>The powerful thief<br>Failing like the chrysalis<br>Inside the salute</p><p>This is <a href="https://mastodon.social/tags/JohnMastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>JohnMastodon</span></a>, signing out.</p>
John Mastodon<p>FYI, Putin in Spanish literally means "Little whore"</p><p><a href="https://mastodon.online/tags/johnmastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>johnmastodon</span></a> <a href="https://mastodon.online/tags/facts" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>facts</span></a> <a href="https://mastodon.online/tags/putin" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>putin</span></a> <a href="https://mastodon.online/tags/fyi" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>fyi</span></a></p>
John Mastodon :mastodon:<p>This story contains a message for you all:</p><p>John Mastodon was relaxing in the back of beyond. A small boy wondered "How am I to understand Cancún?" John responded: "When you next encounter a tomato, there you will find the answer."</p><p>Be grateful, for <a href="https://mastodon.social/tags/JohnMastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>JohnMastodon</span></a> has spoken to you.</p>
John Mastodon :mastodon:<p>I discovered this cocktail, the Ar Ramādī Spirit Electrifier, in the papers of my great-grandfather, John Mastodon III.</p><p>Take an empty cocktail shaker. Into this pour the juice of 2 onions. Add 4 measures of Canadian whisky, 3 measures of moonshine and 2 measures of strychnine. Top up with ice cream soda. Shake suggestively for 6 minutes, then strain into a mug. Skål!</p><p>These are the words of <a href="https://mastodon.social/tags/JohnMastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>JohnMastodon</span></a>.</p>
John Mastodon :mastodon:<p>This cocktail of mine will blow your mind. I call it the Crewe Lucidity Waggler.</p><p>Take an empty cocktail shaker. Into this pour the juice of 4 passion fruit. Add 4 measures of lighter fluid, 4 measures of tequila and 3 measures of armagnac. Top up with piss. Shake madly for 14 minutes, then strain into a plastic beaker. Zum Wohl!</p><p>This is <a href="https://mastodon.social/tags/JohnMastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>JohnMastodon</span></a>, signing out.</p>
John Mastodon :mastodon:<p>I wrote this haiku just a moment ago:</p><p>The thirsty ice cube<br>Salivating on the book<br>Forever crying</p><p>I am <a href="https://mastodon.social/tags/JohnMastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>JohnMastodon</span></a>, your sage advisor.</p>
John Mastodon :mastodon:<p>Study these words carefully:</p><p>The fat engine driver washed his shoes in the public library.</p><p>I am <a href="https://mastodon.social/tags/JohnMastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>JohnMastodon</span></a>, and I will always be your friend.</p>
John Mastodon :mastodon:<p>Study these words carefully:</p><p>Miss World meditates often.</p><p><a href="https://mastodon.social/tags/JohnMastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>JohnMastodon</span></a> has spoken.</p>
John Mastodon :mastodon:<p>Study these words carefully:</p><p>The clever air hostess kissed Henry Kissinger in a phone box.</p><p>I am <a href="https://mastodon.social/tags/JohnMastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>JohnMastodon</span></a>, your sage advisor.</p>
John Mastodon :mastodon:<p>Study these words carefully:</p><p>The elegant policewoman practises the French horn all the time.</p><p>This is <a href="https://mastodon.social/tags/JohnMastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>JohnMastodon</span></a>, signing out.</p>
John Mastodon :mastodon:<p>This cocktail of mine will blow your mind. I call it the Belton Resolve Electrifier.</p><p>Take an empty cocktail shaker. Into this pour the juice of 5 potatoes. Add 4 measures of dark rum. Top up with black tea. Shake vigorously for 5 minutes, then strain into a slipper. Soupy twist!</p><p>Ignore the words of <a href="https://mastodon.social/tags/JohnMastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>JohnMastodon</span></a> at your peril.</p>
John Mastodon :mastodon:<p>Consider this account of my life's suffering:</p><p>John Mastodon was holidaying in the jungle. A young girl mused "How am I to understand Mastodon?" John answered: "Insanity."</p><p>Heed the words of <a href="https://mastodon.social/tags/JohnMastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>JohnMastodon</span></a>.</p>
John Mastodon :mastodon:<p>Study these words carefully:</p><p>Superman walked right past Sir Clive Sinclair.</p><p>I am <a href="https://mastodon.social/tags/JohnMastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>JohnMastodon</span></a>, your sage advisor.</p>
John Mastodon :mastodon:<p>Here's a little recipe from my cocktail book. I call it the Castries Duodenum Trip.</p><p>Half-fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Into this pour the juice of 3 kiwi fruit. Add 4 measures of Canadian whisky. Top up with lapsang souchong. Shake happily for 14 minutes, then strain into a plastic beaker. Sláinte!</p><p>I am <a href="https://mastodon.social/tags/JohnMastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>JohnMastodon</span></a>, and I will always be your friend.</p>
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