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#theonion

35 posts26 participants1 post today
ZeroCool<p><strong>Man pivots seamlessly from criticising trans rights as ‘a threat to womens’ safety’ to defending Russell Brand as being ‘no threat to women’s safety’</strong></p> <p><a href="https://lemmy.ca/post/41870904" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="">lemmy.ca/post/41870904</span><span class="invisible"></span></a></p>
bradorsomething<p><strong>New EU Resolution Decrees All Mentions of “Country With a Tiny Penis” Be Replaced with “Country With a Tiny Penis”</strong></p> <p><a href="https://ttrpg.network/post/17123624" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="">ttrpg.network/post/17123624</span><span class="invisible"></span></a></p>
ZeroCool<p><strong>Chinese-Produced “Made in USA” Stickers Now 34% More Expensive</strong></p> <p><a href="https://lemmy.ca/post/41819161" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="">lemmy.ca/post/41819161</span><span class="invisible"></span></a></p>
MATAK79<p><a href="https://stranger.social/tags/theonion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>theonion</span></a> <a href="https://stranger.social/tags/funny" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>funny</span></a></p><p><a href="https://theonion.com/pete-hegseth-calls-for-steep-cuts-to-number-of-steps-in-aa-recovery/" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="ellipsis">theonion.com/pete-hegseth-call</span><span class="invisible">s-for-steep-cuts-to-number-of-steps-in-aa-recovery/</span></a></p>
Et Al<p><strong>Google Hides Ads In Your Family Photos, Calls It "Innovation"</strong></p> <p><a href="https://lemmy.world/post/27813575" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="">lemmy.world/post/27813575</span><span class="invisible"></span></a></p>
TokenBoomer<p><strong>This War Will Destabilize The Entire Mideast Region And Set Off A Global Shockwave Of Anti-Americanism vs. No It Won’t</strong></p> <p><a href="https://lemmy.world/post/27804041" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="">lemmy.world/post/27804041</span><span class="invisible"></span></a></p>
ZeroCool<p><strong>Parents Gently Explain To Child That Their Money In Heaven Now</strong></p> <p><a href="https://lemmy.ca/post/41791643" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="">lemmy.ca/post/41791643</span><span class="invisible"></span></a></p>
cobalt<p>Ha ha, just got the confirmation email for my subscription and the opening of the letter is worth it: </p><p>"<br>Welcome To The Onionati.</p><p>Your Onion membership allows you to peel back the curtain and access stories that you always suspected to be true, but never had the proof. Now you do.</p><p>For example: Does the 1% rule the world? Yes. Can you do anything about it? No. Will recycling help? Also no.</p><p>Warning: the truths you will learn can make you seem unbalanced to the non-members but their opinions will no longer matter to you.</p><p>Welcome to the Onionati."<br><a href="https://beige.party/tags/TheOnion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>TheOnion</span></a> <a href="https://beige.party/tags/Onionati" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>Onionati</span></a></p>
cobalt<p>A certificate to frame! I just got the annual subscription to the Onion in print, mailed monthly. For this afternoon (don't know how long the sale lasts) Go to <a href="https://beige.party/tags/TheOnion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>TheOnion</span></a> Membership.theonion.com</p>
The Onion<p>Parents Gently Explain To Child That Their Money In Heaven Now</p><p>HUNTSVILLE, AL—In an effort to comfort the child by telling her the funds had gone to a far better place, local parents Blake and Allison McKee gently explained to their daughter Friday that their money was in heaven now, sources confirmed. “Honey, the reason we’re sitting you down today is because even though our life […]<br>The post Parent…<br><a href="https://bots.defencegeeks.net/tags/theonion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>theonion</span></a><br><a href="https://theonion.com/parents-gently-explain-to-child-that-their-money-in-heaven-now/" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="ellipsis">theonion.com/parents-gently-ex</span><span class="invisible">plain-to-child-that-their-money-in-heaven-now/</span></a></p>
(((Cindy Weinstein)))<p>The Onion: “'While my trade policy might cause some temporary hardships for investors, it’s ultimately intended to completely fucking destroy the livelihoods of the financially destitute,' said Trump, urging calm by insisting that big banks, hedge funds, and other major players should take a longer-term view to understand that his tariffs were necessary to increase widespread suffering among the impoverished."</p><p><a href="https://theonion.com/trump-assures-wall-street-hell-go-back-to-just-fucking-over-poor-people-soon/" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="ellipsis">theonion.com/trump-assures-wal</span><span class="invisible">l-street-hell-go-back-to-just-fucking-over-poor-people-soon/</span></a></p><p><a href="https://zirk.us/tags/USPol" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>USPol</span></a> <br><a href="https://zirk.us/tags/Tariffs" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>Tariffs</span></a> <br><a href="https://zirk.us/tags/TheOnion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>TheOnion</span></a></p>
The Onion<p>Musk Announces All 340 Million Americans Must Strip And Take Turn Pushing The Wheel Of Pain</p><p>WASHINGTON—In a controversial move that has outraged those critical of President Trump’s agenda, Elon Musk announced Friday that all 340 million Americans must strip and take a turn pushing the Wheel of Pain. “Pulling off your garments and crawling into the pit in order to lash you…<br><a href="https://bots.defencegeeks.net/tags/theonion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>theonion</span></a><br><a href="https://theonion.com/musk-announces-all-340-million-americans-must-strip-and-take-turn-pushing-the-wheel-of-pain/" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="ellipsis">theonion.com/musk-announces-al</span><span class="invisible">l-340-million-americans-must-strip-and-take-turn-pushing-the-wheel-of-pain/</span></a></p>
The Onion<p>Heaven Enacts Retaliatory Tariffs On U.S.-Bound Miracles</p><p>The post Heaven Enacts Retaliatory Tariffs On U.S.-Bound Miracles appeared first on The Onion.<br><a href="https://bots.defencegeeks.net/tags/theonion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>theonion</span></a><br><a href="https://theonion.com/heaven-enacts-retaliatory-tariffs-on-u-s-bound-miracles/" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="ellipsis">theonion.com/heaven-enacts-ret</span><span class="invisible">aliatory-tariffs-on-u-s-bound-miracles/</span></a></p>
The Onion<p>Trump Assures Wall Street He’ll Go Back To Just Fucking Over Poor People Soon</p><p>WASHINGTON—In response to market panic about his new wide-ranging tariffs, President Donald Trump reportedly offered Wall Street assurance Friday that he would soon go back to just fucking over poor people. “While my trade policy might cause some temporary hardships for investors, it’s ultimately intended to c…<br><a href="https://bots.defencegeeks.net/tags/theonion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>theonion</span></a><br><a href="https://theonion.com/trump-assures-wall-street-hell-go-back-to-just-fucking-over-poor-people-soon/" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="ellipsis">theonion.com/trump-assures-wal</span><span class="invisible">l-street-hell-go-back-to-just-fucking-over-poor-people-soon/</span></a></p>
ZeroCool<p><strong>Trump googles "tariff" for first time</strong></p> <p><a href="https://lemmy.ca/post/41759852" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="">lemmy.ca/post/41759852</span><span class="invisible"></span></a></p>
JdeBP<p>"NRA Accidentally Forgets To Rise Up Against Tyrannical Government" says a YouTube commenter on the latest <a href="https://mastodon.scot/tags/LegalEagle" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>LegalEagle</span></a> video.</p><p>How is that not already a <a href="https://mastodon.scot/tags/TheOnion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>TheOnion</span></a> headline?</p><p>Answer: Because it was a headline in <a href="https://mastodon.scot/tags/TheShovel" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>TheShovel</span></a> back in 2020, for an article that was mysteriously removed in March of this year.</p><p><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20250301153426/https://theshovel.com.au/2020/06/04/nra-accidentally-forgets-to-rise-up-against-tyrannical-government/" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="ellipsis">web.archive.org/web/2025030115</span><span class="invisible">3426/https://theshovel.com.au/2020/06/04/nra-accidentally-forgets-to-rise-up-against-tyrannical-government/</span></a></p><p><a href="https://mastodon.scot/tags/USPolitics" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>USPolitics</span></a> <a href="https://mastodon.scot/tags/WorldWarThree" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>WorldWarThree</span></a> <a href="https://mastodon.scot/tags/DonaldJTrump" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>DonaldJTrump</span></a> <a href="https://mastodon.scot/tags/NRA" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>NRA</span></a></p>
AlligatorBlizzard<p><strong>Trump Claims He Can Overrule Constitution With Executive Order Because Of Little-Known ‘No One Will Stop Me’ Loophole</strong></p> <p><a href="https://sh.itjust.works/post/35527993" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="">sh.itjust.works/post/35527993</span><span class="invisible"></span></a></p>
Tony Bark<p><strong>Man Who Bankrupts Casinos Really Showing the World a Thing or Two About How To Do Business</strong></p> <p><a href="https://pawb.social/post/22383560" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="">pawb.social/post/22383560</span><span class="invisible"></span></a></p>
ZeroCool<p><strong>Epstein Island Only Place Unaffected By Trump Tariffs</strong></p> <p><a href="https://lemmy.ca/post/41726273" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="">lemmy.ca/post/41726273</span><span class="invisible"></span></a></p>
The Onion<p>Israel Claims Slain Palestinian Rescue Workers Didn’t Properly Identify Selves As Human Beings</p><p>RAFAH, GAZA—Responding to reports that 15 rescue workers in Gaza were killed execution style and buried in a mass grave, Israel claimed this week that the slain Palestinians did not properly identify themselves as human. “Unfortunately, upon their encounter with IDF soldiers, …<br><a href="https://bots.defencegeeks.net/tags/theonion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>theonion</span></a><br><a href="https://theonion.com/israel-claims-slain-palestinian-rescue-workers-didnt-properly-identify-selves-as-human-beings/" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="ellipsis">theonion.com/israel-claims-sla</span><span class="invisible">in-palestinian-rescue-workers-didnt-properly-identify-selves-as-human-beings/</span></a></p>
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